Day 1 – Thinspiration (Take 3)


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*sigh*

How many more times am I going to start and stop this weight loss mess again?  I think I honestly might be on the millionth try and the negative thought process behind it has me thinking about how every other time, obviously, I have done nothing but quit when I’m on a roll or just gain all the damn weight back.  UGH!!  This shit has been haunting me since I hit puberty damn it!!

It was about this time last year, St. Patty’s Day actually, that I started this blog to try and get myself to a healthy state and I think I might have lasted a month, before I fell off the wagon.  I seriously don’t get what is wrong with me these days!  I just can’t seem to find, or should I say keep, the motivation and drive that I use to have back in the day.  Apparently I’m not happy being the size that I am….a whopping 301.8lbs…but it’s like I’ve gone so far over the deep end that it seems almost hopeless most often than not.

I refuse to buy into my crazy, mental, self-destruction though and so here I am, starting up the weigh loss part of my blog again.  Maybe if I can blog everyday about my thoughts, the good and bad, then I can keep tabs on what triggers my regressions.  I was thinking about this stuff until about midnight last night!  And while I was up super late, I forced myself to get up at 4:30am, which wasn’t that hard actually, and went for a 1hr 15min walk.  Maybe it’s because I spent the evening before replay all of my life frustrations over and over in my head, but I’m super happy that I did didn’t let myself sleep in.  It gave me some really good thinking time to start processing what it is that I want from life, which being physically healthy and fit is on the top of that list.  God am I tired as fuck though but a good tired!

So how am I going to go about my T3 (Thinspiration 3) experience?  First and foremost I plan on using MyFitnessPal to keep track of my calorie intake as well as how many calories I’ve burned from my exercises.  It always seemed to help in the past if I actually kept up with it. On top of that I’m also going to start posting what I’m eating on my Food Journal page.  I’m pretty sure that my meals will not vary much given that first off, I get in the routine of eating the same things throughout the week because it’s easy, and secondly I love the stuff that I eat!  It’s going to be pretty healthy for the most part, though if I’m gonna be eating salads I’ve gotta have me some Ranch on them! Mmmmmm

I also plan on not eating after 6pm given that I’m going to try and get myself to bed by 8:30pm so that I can get 8hrs and be up by 4:30am consistently.  I’ve noticed that I am more cautious about what I eat throughout the day when I can get my workout done in the morning.  If that means I have to start putting my dinner soup in a thermos and drink that bitch on the way home from work then so be it!  NO EATING AFTER 6PM!!  That is gonna be super hard for me but it’s all ‘Mind over Matter’.  Also, since the beginning of February, I have been taking the stairs instead of the elevator at work.  I like to think that makes me a badass given that I work on the 6th fucking floor!  I climb the stairs twice a day and while I am panting like a dog by the time I get to the top, I feel like I’ve accomplished something awesome afterwards.

Wow, just blabbering on and on during this blog has already got me setting goals….

  1. NO EATING AFTER 6PM
  2. Eat no more than 1,500 cals in any given day
  3. Drink as close to 64oz of water as I can
  4. Get a minimum of 8hrs of sleep
  5. Do at least 20mins of some kind of exercise EVERYDAY!
  6. Take the stairs
  7. Blog at least 4 times a week
  8. Find something positive to say about myself at least once a day

And there we have it!  My goal list!!  😀  Now…for #7…..here is Positive ME Statement #1:

I am an amazing songwriter!  Though I have not done as much writing as I wish I had the time for, I put everything that I have into it when I get the opportunity too.  Maybe it’s silly but I still (deep down) hope that one day I will be able to get one of my songs on the radio.  It doesn’t have to be me singing it all Popstar like, but even if someone else was layin’ down the vocals on it, as long as the world gets to hear my creative expression then I would finally feel as if I’ve accomplished something I’ve dreamed about since I was a punk kid.

Check out my actual pounds lost progress HERE!

I really am a super awesome person……I promise!  😀

~Step

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