For the first day of Month 2, I have to say that it has been rather shitty. Yeah I know I bounce back and forth going all bipolar on my blog but what can you expect when I’ve got mind issues. We’ll get to my mental problems later.
What started my day off shitty you ask? We’ll now I shall tell you! Like a dumbfuck I thought it a good idea to weigh myself this morning to see how many pounds I’d lost in exactly 1 month of trying to get fit. The first of many crappy situations, I discovered that I had in fact gained weight. It doesn’t matter that it was only 0.2lbs. It’s the fact that I torture myself by waking up at the ass crack of dawn to go on walks when I’d rather be sleeping, eat super healthy things when I’d rather fucking eat some pizza or a cheeseburger, go to sleep before the sun even goes down so that I can ‘attempt’ to get 8 hrs of sleep which is always crappy sleep anyways given I wake up ever hour or 2, climb 6 flight of stairs twice a fucking day to get to work Monday thru Friday when the elevator is so much less taxing, and have absolutely no social life because of this trying to get healthy shit. I’ve eaten within my healthy calorie limit and burned a decent amount to where mathamatically, because a pound of fat is 3,500 fucking calories, I should have lost at least SOMETHING!! But of course not. Why would shit work the way it’s supposed to? Then to top it off, every fucking dumbass in the DFW was out driving while I was on my way to work and everything at work just kept getting totally fucked up by yours truely. I’ve almost cried at least 20 times this week, my anxiety has skyrocketed, and I have massively contiplated starting smoking again. I’ve been smoke free since August 2013 but I’m about to go fucking bonkers! This isn’t a new thing though. I’ve always gone back and forth, back and forth, to the extreme with my good day/bad day problems.
This brings us back to my ‘mental issues’ and me having BPD. For those of you who don’t know what that is, let me break it down for you. BPD stands for Borderline Personality Disorder. Yes it’s a real mental desease, I’m not making this shit up. Maybe I’ll get bored this weekend and write a blog about it. Yes, I think I will. At least the day ended on a good note. Gotta love a good conversation! 🙂
Not really in the mood for finding a positive statement right now, so let’s see if I can come up with 2 tomorrow. 3 mile walk done again today. Not sure the time because I was pissed when I walked out the door this morning.