Day 59 – Thinspiration

People prefer fake over real.  This is more so true when it comes to talking to those who are unhappy or have bouts of depression.  And what do those of us who are sad most often than not do?  We put on this foolish show of being content with life or else these so called “friends” of ours abandon us when we need them most.  It’s a psychological mindfuck really.  They’re not our true friends if they would leave us in instances like this yet we still pretend to be something we’re not because the fear of being completely alone wins out more than knowing someone pretends to care.  To be honest, if it weren’t for me reaching out every once in a while to my so called friends, we would never speak.  When you’ve known someone for years you don’t stop to think about shit like that until you are in a fucked up state of mind.  It’s always been like that for me though.  I’ve always been the one to try and gather friends and/or family, most often than not getting shut down, and there hardly ever seems to be anyone who would do the same to me.  Oh how I wish I could sale all of my stuff and go live in the wilderness away from all the fake ass people in this world.  Away from those who don’t have the ability to be honest with others or follow through with their promises.  I am not one of these humans!

Did my 3mile walk in 1hr 9mins today.


Day 56 – Thinspiration (Mother’s Day)

Happy Mother’s Day to all the awesome mom’s out there!  While I don’t have any children of my own yet, I am lucky enough to me a doggie mom to the cutest pup out there.  And do you know what she did for me on this Mother’s Day?  Let me show you….


This my friends, is the muzzle for my mom’s dog Baron. Or should I say that it used to be until my pup got ahold of it. I think they conspired to destroy the item that brought their BFF status to a halt until Baron’s stitches came out. So what did I get to do today??  I got to make a run to PetSmart and spend $20 on a new one.  Oh the joys of puppy parenthood!  She’s just too cute to stay mad at though so I sucked it up and just dealt with it since it was already said and done.

I plan to take my mom out shopping this coming Wednesday for a new outfit since her and my sister will be meeting me out in Scotland 5 days after I get there.  Today I made biscuits and gravy with bacon for breakfast for her, yes….I did eat some, and we grilled for all the mom’s in my family.  Surprisingly enough I didn’t eat too too bad given all the bad things I could have eaten.  I sure as hell did eat some mac and cheese and other things, but I only let myself get a half a scoop when I typically would get 2 beeping spoonfuls in the past.  Progress is progress no matter how small it is!  Where I ran into a problem is when I made these….


I sure as hell wasn’t gonna pay $18 for a dozen chocolate dipped strawberries when they looked a hot mess while I was at the store this morning. So what did I do?  Made my own for my Momma! I love knowing how to do stuff like this! $6 and they look even better than the store ones!!  I think I ate like 5 of them.  😦  Now granted they we smaller strawberries and not the gigantic ones you would buy in the store so I don’t feel too guilty about it.  Over all it was a really good Mother’s Day!  Early morning wake up in the morning so that I can get a super intense walk in given I did none this weekend.  Push push push!  Bring it on Monday!!

Day 55 – Thinspiration

2016-05-07 13.06.02

Well today was a good day in the sense that I surpassed my goal by 0.4lbs by losing 3.4lbs this week and getting below 269lbs which was my goal for the week.  I’m super happy to be out of the 270s!  But while I’m happy about this I do have a confession to make. I seem to be making those a lot recently.

First off, I didn’t go for a walk today which isn’t the end of the world but on top of that, I decided it was a great idea to eat a really shitty dinner after doing extremely well with my eating until about 5pm.  I mean I ate shitty to the point where I ate so much at a pizza buffet that my tummy ached and I seriously contemplated making myself throw up to get it out of my system.  I’ve never been one to be bulimic so I ultimately decided that if I gained back a little weight due to the overeating then it was just something I had to deal with because I’d be damned if I was gonna make myself sick because I felt guilty about eating a meal.  Fuck that shit!!  It does piss me off though that it even crossed my mind in the first place.

The mind of someone who’s struggled with their weight for so long is a twisted place.  Glad I was strong enough to not make a really bad health decision today.  Oh yeah…and apparently I have changed my weigh-in day to Saturday.  Haha.  Talk about being inconsistent.  The first few weeks was was on Monday, then I changed it to Sunday, and now it shall commence on Saturdays.   Let’s see how long this day of the week lasts!  😀

Day 54 – Thinspiration

You don’t realize how time consuming writing a blog everyday is until you get caught up doing something and almost forget to post for the day.  Super late night for me but my eating was really good today and I did my 3 mile walk in about the same time as I have the past 3 days.  Planning on walking tomorrow as well as Sunday morning since Monday it had decided to rain super bad.  I sure hope my weight on Sunday shows a loss of some kind.  I don’t wanna miss my goal.  😦

It’s going to be a super busy weekend given how long my to do list is and Mother’s Day being on Sunday.  Does anyone else have difficulty trying to figure out what to do/get for their momma?  I’ve got tomorrow to figure it out and my Mom never gives a direct answer as to what she wants.  I still love her though! 😀

Day 53 – Thinspiration

I am yawning soooo much right now because I’m tired as fuuuuuuck!!  Bed is calling my name.  I’m happy to report that work was a breeze today, instead of the hell it has been recently.  I’ll consider myself blessed if tomorrow continues to be relaxing and chill.  Spent my whole evening trying to figure out all kinds of health/medical care plan mess that I have with my company.  Yay for Doctors!!  And I’m not being sarcastic when I say that.  I’ve always loved going to the doctor or to hospitals cause I guess I’m a weirdo.  I wanted to be an OBGYN once upon a time you know.

Did yet another 1hr 7min, 3 mile walk this morning.  I’m glad that I’ve been keeping that pace for the last 3 days instead of having it take an extra 5-10mins like it used too.  Looking forward to the weekend when I can get up at 6AM and go for my walk instead of 4-4:30PM.  Come on Saturday….you can’t come soon enough!

Day 52 – Thinspiration

While yesterday was a shit day, I have to admit that today was rather nice and relaxing.  That’s the first in a long time when it comes to work honestly.  My eating was way better as well though I am supposed to go eat with my sis tonight since we haven’t hung out in, it seems like, FOREVER!  She’s wanting Vietnamese or Thai food so I’ve no idea what is healthy at places like that because I never eat at them.  Hopefully I can find something not too bad for me.  Maybe I should research it before I head out….

I have a confession to make….I have been smoking cigarettes for the last week!  UGH!!  See what the stress of this job has led me too?!??  What’s sad about this is that I had been smoke free since August 2013, after having smoked for 10 years.  Well…I would have a cig every now and again but like every once in a blue moon and only 1.  It’s crazy how I can notice the difference in breathing just from climbing the stairs at work.  Yeah going up to the 6th floor using the stairs always had me breathing fast when I got to the top, but now I find that I start huffin and puffin before I get to the 4th floor.  Cigarettes are NO BUENO!!

Did another 1hr and 7min, 3 mile walk this morning.  I’ve been trying to keep up the pace since I’ve not done the ST since Monday.  I am still feeling a bit like this whole thing is pointless.  I know that that thought process is what causes people to fuck up and stop pushing forward towards their goals so I’m trying really hard to keep from falling all the way off the wagon.  Sadly all I keep thinking about is how I’m so afraid I’m not going to meet my goal this weekend and it’s even crossed my mind to fast for a day or 2 to psychologically take control of my craziness.  Not sure that is possible though given that I loooooove food.  So instead I pout and think pessimistic thoughts about how I’m still gonna be a Fatty McFatkins when I go to Scotland and not be able to fit into the sit on the airplane.  Obviously if I don’t get my mind back in the game that could easily be the case, so STEP IT UP STEPHANIE!!  KWITCHURBITCHIN!!!

Day 51 – Thinspiration

Today’s blog is gonna be short because it’s pretty much an after thought for today.  Already I am going to bed after 10pm and sadly have been grazing in regards to food since about 6:30pm….I broke rule number 1!!  😦 

I also didn’t do my strength training because the more I thought about it, I feel that my cardio has gone down quite a bit because I take 30-45mins to do it in the mornings.  When I got home feom work I was just too exhausted!  While I know strength training is super important, I just don’t have enough time to add it in everyday and want to get back to pushing hard with my cardio again.  I always feel more productive that way.  Yeah I’ll pick it back up and still do it a few days a week, but today was not for it. 

I did do a 67min 3mile power walk this morning though.  So despite my crap day, at least there was that positive.